On International Women’s Day we gather, we celebrate and we plan. For women at Brighton and Hove City Council today’s focus is resilience. I have spent a great many hours thinking about what I can relay this morning. I could talk about glass ceilings, about maternity rights, about domestic abuse or rape. And, indeed the power of resilience in women leadership is what has made changes for issues that primarily affect women.
I thought though, what do I bring, that another women can’t bring. What is my voice and my value to our movement. I want to bring something personal to this day. We need to find not only our collective voice but find our power in our own voice too. Today should be a chance to reflect and develop that voice.
I spent time reading what women who had inspired change, stood their ground, endured the frequent and common experience of being disliked whilst doing it said. I reflected on their words:
Queen Latifah “be your own best friend”
Harriet Harman “strength in the women’s movement where I was liked”
Jess Phillips “Yes I am ambitious, ambitious for its own sake. Everyone should be.”
I spoke to twitter women and asked them what made them resilient. They told me that self confidence, friends, supporters cheering them on and, self care like spending time cooking were the keys to their resilience.
But what is my resilience based on? Am I truly resilient? I kept thinking these questions over. And if I told you, would it even be interesting?
Well I hope it’s both. But I guess for me true resilience is trying and being prepared to fail sometimes in the certain knowledge I will try again.
I probably feel like giving up on the challenges of leadership and trying to make change happen about once a week. Almost certainly Friday evening. All my energy is spent… I have mentally had a list of things I wanted to accomplish in that week. Always way too optimistic and sometimes, I am too optimistic about other people and their help, support and ability to achieve. By Friday, at least one thing will have NOT HAPPENED. By Friday night I am overtired. And that ONE THING is a DISASTER and proof that I am not up to any of the things I have put myself forward for. Work, politics, parenting or being a friend. Or something else. Like we have NO PEANUT BUTTER. The depressing return to student life of a women juggling too many tasks and running out of toilet paper and putting kitchen roll by the loo.
FAILING AT BEING AN ADULT.
I can’t even bake.
However, every week I put on the responsibility and the ambition for the changes I want to see and start all over. Hell, I might even take on another ambition.
Fundamentally, both my resilience and my Friday night blues are completely based on my optimism, for myself, for my colleagues, for my city and for the changes I want to help create. And, along the way by taking on 50 ambitions for change… I might achieve 10 of them. Better than aiming for 5 and achieving 5 in the end.
I also think a wide, diverse network of women who support you whether those friends are councillor friends, mum friends, work friends, neighbourhood friends or people connected to an issue I am working on friends. I always have someone who understands, who knows me for good and bad to talk to and problem solve with. To celebrate and cheer me on. I don’t know how people can succeed in work or life without their cheer squad. It’s also vital for me to be a cheer squad right back for them. Networks depend on giving back and participating in. You do get what you give, in my experience.
So this is my hard talk. If you aren’t getting support from your networks, are you giving to those networks? Are you the one that will see a colleague bruised from a meeting that went wrong and set them back up again? Remind them of their strengths? Do you introduce yourself to women you think are doing a great job and tell them? Because I do these things. This is a good habit I have.
Do you lean in? This is a habit Labour women in our group meetings have consciously developed. If a women in group makes a point and it seems like it might be getting lost, another women will amplify that point. They will repeat it back to the group. If a women had a success, we literally applaud. LITERALLY. This helps build new women councillors’ confidence and a sense of team. So, lean in for each other. You don’t have to agree with a point to amplify it… you just need to say “that point was interesting, I would like to discuss it”. You get the culture you foster and develop.
You DO have power to make changes that create an environment that women become more successful in.
We all need Anthems – I have some songs I play if I need a boost in mood. I bet all of you have some. But when I am feeling less confident or tired through fighting I purposefully play them. They may be cheesy but I don’t care. I play them anyway. Guaranteed to put me in the zone from wherever my confidence or energy may be is Girl on Fire. Everytime.
I know you all have a song – but get the habit of actually sticking your headphones on when you are feeling less you and let music change your mood.
Frivolity is also part of my resilience. Whether it’s joking around, another part of my optimistic nature is constant “seeing the funny side” including of myself…in fact mainly myself. But also getting a really specific cake I want. And pj bottoms with pockets. Those always make me happy to put on. I have two pairs with pockets. They are the best thing for a FRIDAY NIGHT WAIL calm down. I listen to audiobooks that make me laugh about the human condition in a kind way… Wodehouse and Pratchett are my favourites for that. For me finding the lightness in life is part of my resilience.
You will have your own recipes to resilience. Some will be way more self contained than mine. Introverts will need to spend time alone topping up their energy. But I hope that today you write your own recipe for resilience and then act on it.
Happy Women’s Day
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